Watching 30 Rock

Cold Opening. Liz approaches Jenna in the hallway and says she found her “Sunset Blush” lipstick at her apartment. Jenna says that isn’t hers as she wears “Tiger Orgasm.” Just like mom used to wear. Flashback to Liz finding the lipstick under her couch and Great Sid Caesar’s ghost! What is that? Oh it’s a pop tart under the couch as well. Score snack for Liz!

Liz thinks that’s odd since it’s just her and Pete at her place. I guess Pete is still crashing there since separating from his yet to be seen wife. Enter Pete looking perky and rocking “a sexy Justin Timberlake hat.” He actually looks more like my uncle Gary during his Indiana Jones phase but this makes Jenna think he’s having an affair. She goes on to say that “the only reason men start taking care of themselves is if they’re getting someone to have sex with them. If not for that they’d just sit around in their own filth.” Cue Frank looking so gnarly I can smell him from here saying something about how they’re out of string cheese so he’s going to take off.

Liz encounters Jack next holding a pair of big yellow hands. He tells Liz that they’re going green and introduces her to Mouth Breathing Ross…actually it’s Greenzo played by another must see TV dweeb David Schwimmer. “Saving the earth while maintaining profitability!” And go figure it was the first name that popped into Jack’s head. If Jennifer Aniston shows up as Greenzo’s perky mother earth girlfriend we’re tossing our Caesar salad. Credits.

And we’re back. Ew, I just sneezed on my computer. I hope you don’t catch my cold by reading this. Anyway Greenzo, real name Jarrett, is super psyched about this gig and says gig a lot since he hasn’t worked since appearing in a political ad for Rick Lazio’s New York senate campaign. Cue ad where Ross is holding a child saying, “Hilary Clinton wants an all homosexual army. How will that affect my family.” Heh. Jack tells Lemon. As NBC’s environmental mascot Greenzo will be releasing an endangered falcon at halftime of the Knicks game and (as if that weren’t enough) he’s been booked onto The Today Show.

Hallway encounter three. Liz spots Kenneth handing out cupcake cutout invitations to a party and quickly darts out of view into Tracy’s dressing room. She tells him she’s hiding from Kenneth because she’s always the only guest at his terrible parties. Cue montage of Kenneth’s party’s with the best one being Liz dressed as Harry Potter with Werewolf Bar Mitzvah playing in the background. I’m so never, ever getting that song out of my head. Liz tries to get Tracy to come to the party. He declines but says he’ll create mystique about Kenneth’s party being the shiznasty throw down of the year so everyone will want to go. He just needs to involve the two biggest gossips they know - Grizz and Dot Com.

Greenzo’s appearance on the Today Show is kickin’. He dances for the kids and charms the pants off Meredith Viera (thankfully not). This goes so well that Jack wants Liz to write skits for reoccurring segments on the Today Show for Greenzo (who wants to “sit in to make sure it’s got that Greenzo voice.”) According to Jack Greenzo is testing really well in every market and goes into a racist demographic lecture. Suddenly Kenneth appears welding the dreaded cupcake invites. He’d be honored if they’d come. Liz agrees but Jack declines.

Liz sees Pete by the vending machines and asks if he’s having an affair because he’s acting all “happy and full of life”. Pete denies it and says he’s not cheating on Paula - that’s her name!

Greenzo is becoming more self righteous and obnoxious to Frank and Cerie (”Did he just talk to me like I’m ugly”) in the kitchen and exits with “Greenzo out.” I hate when characters refer to themselves in the third person. Like when Captain Caveman used to do it in those Hanna Barbara cartoons..although I think that’s all he used to say.

Tracie tells Grizz and Dot Com that T.I. will be at Kenneth’s party and not to tell anyone. They go tell Josh so he’ll finally think they’re cool. Josh isn’t impressed with T.I. but when they tell him Fall Out Boy Will be there he loses his shit. And party rumors balloon from there. Jack is suddenly interested because he hears Geist is going to the party and and T.I. who we thinks is the head of Texas Instruments will be there too. Wackyness!

Greenzo is in Liz’s office being obnoxious again. “Do you even bother to compost your own feces?” Ew. She bounces him and coffee spills on her shirt. “Good job, I just got this like eight years ago.” Liz comes home to find Paula riding Pete in her bed. And they’re using pop tarts in bad ways. “GROSS!”

The party rumors come back to Tracy and now he’s excited about the party forgetting it’s his own rumor. Liz tells him people are going to show up expecting great stuff and will be disappointed and angry. “Just like Colonial Williamsburg,” says Tracy. Liz tells Tracy to tell Kenneth what’s going on and to cancel the party. Yeah, that ain’t happening.

Liz enters Jack’s office just in time to see Greenzo on The Today show once again. She tells him that Greenzo has gone off the deep end. And there he goes verbally flipping off The Viera and sprouting some crazy shit, about raising taxes and getting rid of fat cat executives. “We’ve lost control of Greenzo!” Shouts Jack into the phone, “I know we should have gone with Angie Hartman.”

Back at Jack’s office, Greenzo is reminded that the message is “non-judgmental business friendly” but Greenzo is hearing none of that. Jack fires Greenzo who laughs, cape blowing, and asks rhetorically ,”Can you fire the wind? Can you fire a hurricane?” “We’re developing that technology” says Jack. Bye Greenzo.

Party rumors are out of control on the elevator “This party is about to become a Tracy Jordan Joint.” uh-oh. Cut to the next morning. Jack, hair going in 25 directions has called a meeting to discuss what happened at Kenneth’s party. Cut to flashbacks of much sped-up craziness. Involving Liz making out with Dot Com, Josh slow dancing with a bearded hippie, fights all over the place, Liz puking on someone in an animal costume and general disorder. FUN! Kenneth declares everyone was present at Kenneth’s last party ever.

Liz and Jack are onset and encounter Al Gore of all people. He’ll be replacing Jarrett as the new Greenzo (in Jack’s mind). He’s actually there because Jack said GE is coming out with a car that runs on garbage. Jack tries to sweet talk Gore into being Greenzo but the Gore has no interest and gives some suggestions on how NBC can really help the environment. “Yes or you can put on a silly hat and tell the kids how outsourcing leads to much cheaper toys at Christmas.”

Liz tries to get Al Gore to stay but he runs off to save a whale in trouble. Enter a crunked up looking Jarrett “The show must go on!” He shouts. He makes a jump for the big happy faced Earth, which catches fire. “This Earth is ruined!” says Liz. “We got to get a new one.”

30 Rock, Greenzo, Al Gore, David Schwimmer