Watching 30 Rock

Cold Opening. Jack enters the writer’s room to announce that Liz is the recipient of the G&E Fellowship award. No sorry, that’s Followship Award. It’s presented annually to the women, er person that best exemplifies a follower. Liz is none to thrilled about this cause she ain’t no follower. But the award comes with an oversized check for $10,000. Liz is honored. Jack gives a speech about how proud he is of Liz’s ability to follow. It contains the word “adverlingus” which I’m totally adding to my vocabulary.

Jack asks Liz if she’s going to put the cash in a 401k but alas she has none, just 12 grand in checking. I wish I had that. I could buy a Kia. But onto our next plotline.

Jenna approaches Kenneth and looky, she’s all of a sudden back to her normal size. “If I can’t be Mo’Nique fat, I have to be Terry Hatcher thin.” Jenna takes a bit of something and manages to splurg dip onto Kenneth’s page jacket. I sense hilarity ensuing. She says she’ll get the dip off but sets his jacket on a lit oven. Uh-Oh, I don’t think those page jackets are made of natural fibers because that mother goes up in flames faster than a copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves in Baptist library. Credits. Word of advice, try not to focus on the pictures flashing behind the casts head’s. I almost had a vertigo attack.

Commercials. Dan in Real Life looks like every scholocky family ensemble movie in the past 10 years. I’ll be there’s a quirky daughter or two. You’re better than that Steve Carell!

Pete and Liz are in line to meet Liz’s idol Rosemary Howard (Carrie Fisher). According to Liz she was the first female writer for Laugh-In, she wrote all the political stuff. Child Liz flashback! She’s watching Laugh-In, there’s a really bad Nixon joke about being pardoned involving a Goldie Hawn look-alike. Lil’ Liz states “It’s funny because it’s true.”

Back to the present. Liz approaches Rosemary and begins to yammer on about what a big fan she is and how she grew up wanting to be her. The yammering pays off and Rosemary informs Liz that she’ll let her take her to lunch so she can get it all out of her system. Pete is unhappy because Liz was suppose to take him hat shopping.

Plot 3. Tracy enters Jack’s office and asks if it’s bad if you desecrate something. Flash over to Tracy totally flubbing up the national anthem at a baseball game. Not quite as bad as the Rosanne-national anthem crotch grab of 1991 but it’s up there. Jack tells Tracy that since he’s a star he can do anything he wants and that it’s “our job to make it go away.” Tracy won’t abuse this at all. Jack tells him he can do anything he wants to do except dog fighting.

Tracy totally wants to start doing dog fighting since Jack told him he can’t. Dot Com and Griz tell him dog fighting is horrible but he feels compelled to do it and tells them to make it happen. Dot Com says it’s like Phil Spector’s entourage all over again. heh.

Back to Liz and Rosemary at lunch. Rosemary misses doing live TV and Liz tells her they hire guest writers from time to time. Rose is all about it. She asks if everyone still does blow in Joe Gargiola’s office. Liz asks, “which one is blow, is that cocaine?”

Jenna is down in the basement of NBC looking for the head page. There’s scary almost Edward Scissor Hands goes to Walmart with a Charlie Brown Christmas music. A voice tells her she may enter as the camera focuses on a computer the size of a Yugo. Jenna asks, “you’re a machine?” “No, I wish” says the voice and hey, it’s that guy. You know, that guy from Best Week Ever with the gap in his teeth. Paul something or other. Anyway, he tells her the computer is a prop from the classic NBC series SuperComputer 1975-1975.

Jenna explains to the head page that she needs to get a new jacket for Kenneth since she ruined his but HP is super excited that perfect Kenneth has finally messed up. He’s been waiting a long time to transfer Kenneth to CNBC in New Jersey and this is his chance. Uh-Oh, Jenna’s going to have some splainen’ to do!

Back to the writer’s room. Rosemary is sitting in on a meeting and says some controversial things including something about an abortion clinic and a beautiful mulatto. Liz tells her all those are a no-no. Rosemary tries to get her to push the envelope with the show then goes off and uses some words that are beeped. We can only imagine. Liz says she wants the show to be edgy too but Jack would never allow it. Rosemary says she’ll talk to Jack for Liz since she’s great with suits.

Griz has the dogs for Tracy but instead of big ol’ bad newz kennel dogs they’re little yappy things. Didn’t see that coming, except totally did. Tracy is disappointed but just as he says “I built a dog fighting ring in my basement for this?” Jack walks in. Uh-Oh Tracy’s going to have some splainen’ to do! Jack asks what’s wrong with Tracy that he’s compelled to do everything Jack asks him not to. He says he’s always been that way. Flashback to Lil’ Tracy being told not to do things by a bunch of people. His response to everything is “you’re not my dad!”

Rosemary is in Jack’s office. Liz rushes in to find them laughing together and Jack escorts her out saying how much fun he’s had chatting with her. Not! Jack tells Liz to fire Rosemary. “Never make me to talk to a woman that old again.” Liz doesn’t want to do it because she got into the business because of people like Rosemary, she wants to make people think. If he wants to get rid of Rosemary he’ll have to get rid of her as well. Commercials.

Liz excitedly tells Rosemary that it felt great to stand up to Jack. And at that moment someone hands Liz a box of her stuff and tells them Jack says they’re both fired.

Jack finds Tracy sitting alone and tries to convince him that he needs some therapy. “I don’t need therapy, I’m mentally ill,” says Tracy. But Jack pulls an old Bugs Bunny Jedi-mind trick and gets Tracy to say he needs therapy.

Dammit, we’re 19 minutes in. Carrie Fisher is the guest star. Where are the freakin’ Star Wars jokes?

Kenneth sits in his burnt page jacket when Jenna informs him that she’s been talking to the HP. Kenneth freaks at this and asks what she did. HP comes up and challenges Kenneth to a page-off- A savage contest mixing physical stamina with NBC trivia. Oh it’s on!

Liz and Rosemary head to Rosemary’s apartment in little Chechnya. Actually it kind of looks like queens but with a lot more bombed out cars and guys with guns. Try not to write when you’re living here says Rosemary.

Jack and Tracy are at the NBC therapist. She tells Tracy to talk to an empty chair as if his father was sitting there. Tracy thinks it’s a stupid idea but Jack’s there to help. The therapist has Jack sit in the chair and pretend to be Tracie’s father. Jack goes into a hilarious Red Fox impression that degenerates into Good Times and every other stereotypical black sitcom. The therapist thinks it’s ridiculous but it helps Tracy. He don’t want to dog fight no more.

Rosemary’s apartment. They’re there to write a screenplay but Liz quickly discovers Rosemary is seriously out of touch and seriously crazy. Rosemary tells her she’s never going to get married because she’s married to her job. As Liz makes a run for it Rosemary says “Help me Liz Lemon, you’re my only hope.” Finally a star wars joke.

Jenna quizzes Kenneth to help him prepare for the page-off. And it’s on. Kenneth and HP’s hands are tied together, the other pages chant around them “page-off, page-off “they circle the room AND…Pete comes in and breaks it up. No one is answering the phones or seating the Conan audience. Doh, it’s off. Pete tells HP to give Kenneth a new jacket and the whole thing is over.

Liz enters Jack’s office and “proudly begs” begs him for her job back. He tells her of course she can have it back. She tells him how awful Rosemary’s apartment was and he says “never go with a hippie to a second location.” I’ll have to remember that one. Liz realizes she can’t end up like that and asks Jack if he can help her with her finances. He agrees. Lessons are learned and no one has any more splainen’ to do.

So that wasn’t as great an episode as it could have been. It had its moments but there was only one star wars joke. Really? One Star Wars joke! You have Princess Leia on the geekyist show on TV and you only make one goddamn Star Wars joke? Maybe it was in Carrie Fisher’s contract that you can only make one per appearance. Oh well, I guess you wouldn’t want overkill. Next week..we don’t know because there were no previews. But at least there wasn’t any more Bee Movie bull crap.

30 Rock, Carrie Fisher, Star Wars