Watching 30 Rock

Cold opening. Pete is hanging out on Liz’s couch in his comfy clothes, watching TV when Liz comes in. “Are you making waffles?” she asks. Liz can smell maple syrup and it smells delicious. Mmm, waffles. Pete is not making waffles. Liz calls up Tracy to make sure he is practicing his Rerun dance for the show. Tracy says he can’t practice because the delicious smell of maple syrup is too distracting. Just then Jack calls Liz and we get a three-way split screen with Liz and Jack discussing the maple syrup smell and Tracy doing the Rerun dance from What’s Happening. Jack thinks it could be a chemical attack of Northrax, a chemical agent sold to the Saudis in the 80s that smells exactly like maple syrup. Jack thinks it probably isn’t Northrax though, as they would be dead in ten seconds. They both are quiet, counting down the ten seconds, while Tracy continues to dance. After ten seconds, they hang up, relieved, and Jack goes back to reading his very Republican book while I get up and try to do the Rerun dance.

Credits. I love Alec Baldwin’s dramatic head turn.

When we return, Jack is getting a haircut. He asks the barber to make him look like Ronald Reagan. “Like that is a stretch,” the barber and I say at the same time. Liz comes in and thanks him for calling her last night about the maple syrup thing. She gets nervous about the whole homeland security thing, but Jack tells her she can always call him because he has NSA connections. Again, not surprising. She asks him why he gets his haircut so often. “Because your hair is your head suit.” That and because he is going to a party hosted by John McCain and Jack Bauer. I hope it is not a Christmas party. Jack is worried that he has to look perfect because no one is more bitchy about hair than conservative males. We briefly cut to a scene at a party were a bunch of Republicans are making fun of Jack’s hair. Before Liz leaves, Jack asks her to wear a T-shirt supporting the Sheinhardt Wig Company, an NBC parent company having PR problems. (The back of the shirt says “NOT poisoning rivers since 1997.) Liz is happy with the free shirt and leaves.

Kenneth comes in, having picked up Jack’s tuxedo from the dry cleaners. But there’s a problem: the pants are missing. Jack’s all “no biggie,” but Kenneth is distraught. “My Uncle Butch was right. I’m just a stupid country bumpkin with great skin and soft hands.” He promises to buy Jack another pair. Jack says they cost $2,500 so Kenneth promises that instead, he will find the ones he lost. Oy vey!

Liz is arriving home and is excited to find a package in front of her door. “My prescription shampoo!” But it turns out its a package for her new neighbor across the hall, Raheem. She takes the package and knocks and tries to introduce herself, but Raheem (Hey! It’s Fred Armisen!) won’t shake her hand. She notices lots of maps on the walls. Raheem is being less than friendly and takes his package and closes the door. Liz goes into her apartment and asks Pete if he’s met Raheem. Pete thinks he’s a good guy but Liz thinks he wouldn’t shake her hand because she is a woman. Plus, the maps. Liz’s point: maps on the walls in a Middle Eastern guy’s apartment=suspicious, maps on the wall in a white lady’s apartment: decoration. She tries to convince Pete that she doesn’t make assumptions about people based on race (”Remember when I asked that black guy if he saw Sideways?”) but Pete isn’t so sure.

Jack is at the party complimenting someone’s hair when Edie Falco brushes past him to get to the bar! Edie Falco! I miss the Sopranos. She orders a shot of whiskey, because she promised Bill Frist the next slow dance, and makes fun of Jack’s girly drink. Jack is smitten. Her name is C.C. and she likes Jack’s haircut.

Kenneth is still at work, hanging signs about a lost pair of fancy tuxedo pants. Here is even a drawing of said fancy pants with arrows and notes that I can’t quite make out. Tina, don’t make the jokes so tiny! Tracy offers to help find the pants buy yelling “Pants! Pants! Pants!” until Grizz and Dot.com show up with a bunch of pairs. They too over Kenneth suggestions for finding the pants, but Kenneth has tried those options and chastises the “Obvious Twins.” Kenneth wonders how he will come up with the money to replace the pants.

Hey, why hasn’t Jenna been in this episode yet? I bet she has Jack’s pants.

We are back at the party, where Jack is playing the piano and crooning “What the World Needs Now.” C.C. walks in and looks smitten herself.

The next day Liz is walking down the street and spots Raheem and another Middle Eastern man in the park. The other man is filming while Raheem works the monkey bars, the tires, and a belly crawl through a pit of sand. “What the what?” It looks like those training videos we used to see ad-nausuem on the nation news reports. She keeps walking and sees lots of signs saying things like “If you see something, say something!” and “If you suspect anything, do everything!,” and “We don’t poison the world, terrorists do (Sheinhardt wigs).”

Cut to Jack’s place, where C.C. is waking up in Jack’s bed. He thanks her for an incredible night and for letting him “try that thing he tried.” She says she has to get to work. Jack asks to see her again and she says “Name it.” Pleased, Jack turns on MSNBC and discovers a Rep. Celeste Cunningham doing an interview. She’s a congressperson! And a democrat! C.C. returns from the bathroom and realizes that Jack is part of big business and works for a subsidiary of the Sheinhardt Wig company, which is dumping dye into the Chickatagwa River, turning the children of Chickatagwa orange. The exact company she is working to shut down. They are mortal enemies! They can not been seen together ever again!

(Note to observate viewers: Watch this scene again and pause your DVR or VCR to read the news crawls on the MSNBC scenes. Funny, funny stuff. WTG, Tina Fey.)

Commercials. Normally I like the Mac commercials, but that one was sort of disappointing.

When we return, Liz comes to Jack’s office with a question, but doesn’t want to ask in front of Jonathan, Jack’s assistant with the vaguely Middle Eastern appearance. Jack assures her she can speak in front of Johnathan, but when she says she thinks her Middle Eastern neighbor is a terrorist and she doesn’t know what to do, Jonathan, of course, is offended. Jack lectures Liz on how some of the greatest patriots are of Middle Eastern descent and he’s appalled …. until Jonathan leaves the room. Jack then tells Liz to “be an American and call it in.” He gives her the number of a friend in a high level position with Homeland Security. Just then the phone in Jack’s pocket starts to ring …. but it’s not his ringtone. Of course, it is C.C. They have accidentally switched phones (they have the same model) after their “night of doing it.” Jack says he’ll meet her on the sixth floor to switch back. Jack and Liz do a little commerical for Verizon and then Liz looks right into the camera and asks if they can have their money now.

Kenneth is looking under couch cushions in the writer’s room for change to add to his pants fund. Nearby, Frank has found a bottle of ketchup that expired two years ago and asks Twofer how much it would take to get him to eat it. Twofer says $1,000 but Kenneth offers to do it for $400. It’s on!

C.C. meets Jack too swap phones. She tells him she’s been working out of the Clinton office in Harlem, helping Hilary retool her universal health care plan. “God, I want to kiss you on the mouth to stop you from saying such ridiculous things,” says Jack. Hot! They bicker some more about their political differences. C.C. tells him how she was once shot in the face by her neighbors dog. The neighbor had a hunting rifle with a faulty safety. One day the Jack Russell terrier was chewing the rifle and it went off and shot her in the face. Jack is horrified. C.C. says she did “what was right.” She sued the rifle company, her neighbor, and the dog. Hey lady, stop giving us Democrats a bad name! The incident led her to politics and spawned a Lifetime movie about the incident. We see a promo for the movie. Hey, it’s Kristen Wiig! C.C. slaps Jack, they make out, (with Tracy spying on them), then she tries to leave before coming back to both kiss and slap him again.

Tracy runs up wanting to know who that was. Jack tells him she’s a special woman but they are on opposite sides of a feud. Tracy tells him if she is Jack’s soulmate then he should go for it. Jack says he’s worked to hard to risk his career for a women, even if she’s beautiful, smart, and “does it like her dad is a minister.”

Back in the writer’s room, Kenneth is finishing off the bottle of expired ketchup, while all the writer’s cheer him on. They pay him and Frank tries to convince him to let them give him the rest of the money for Jack’s pants. Kenneth insists on earning the money though. Frank starts working on a plan for Kenneth’s next task.

Back at Liz’s place, Liz is chillin’ on the couch when someone knocks on the door. It’s Raheem. He acts sort of creepy and Liz calls for Pete who comes in all excited to see Raheem. They are going out to celebrate a “project” that Raheem has just finished. Raheem acts all suspicious. Liz goes back inside and calls the number Jack gave her. “Who is he and where can we find him?” says a voice on the other end.

Back at home, Jack is watching the Lifetime movie based on C.C.’s story about the dog shooting her in the face. He can’t believe the people let their dog play with a gun.

Back at the studio, Lutz is asleep on a couch in the writer’s office. Kenneth sneaks in wearing a scar gorilla mask and starts yelling. Lutz wakes up screaming and starts beating the stuffing out of Kenneth. Frank and Twofer come in and break things up. Kenneth takes off the mask. “I still need $700.” Frank has one more job. “You know that old lady in accounting who thinks you’re her husband who died in the war?” he says to Kenneth, suggestively raising his eyebrows.

Back at Jack’s place, Jack is sipping a glass of milk and watching the end of the Lifetime movie. The C.C. character is giving an impassioned speech to the dog who shot her. “I do believe in destiny. I know that I should hate you, but I can’t. I love you. And I don’t care what people say. We were meant to be in each other’s lives.” Jack ponders this thought. I am just impressed that Jack watches Lifetime.

Pete comes into Liz’s office and shuts the door. “Some dudes took Raheem last night!” He’s upset with Liz for calling Homeland Security on a good guy like Raheem, until Liz threatens to call them on Pete too. “U.S.A. Number One!” he says as he leaves.

Jack asks Tracy to help him get to C.C.’s office in Harlem. “I can’t be seen and cabs don’t go there.” It’s the same building where Tracy gets his Jamaican meat pies!

Liz comes home to another package buy the door. She thinks it is finally her scalp shampoo, but it’s a package from Raheem with a videotape … his audition tape for The Amazing Race. Oh boy. Suddenly the maps and the training in the park make sense. “We love America,” Raheem and his brother yell on the videotape. Liz feels awful.

Back at Jack’s office, a disheveled Kenneth comes in with Jack’s replacement pants. (Is that smeared lipstick on his face?) “You must love him as much as I do!” says Jonathan. They should start a club. Or a support group. Jonathan hangs the pants in a closet which has about 20 other pairs of identical pants. Kenneth should have listened when Jack said it was no big deal.

Jack and Tracy are out on the street in front of C.C.’s office. Tracy Cyrano de Bergeracs all sorts of lines to Jack. “Tell her her butt look like an apple and you want to take a bite!” C.C. is worried that if they are seen together it will be career suicide for them both but Jack doesn’t care. He has seen her movie and he thinks he’s the dog. C.C. lets him in. She has never met anyone like Jack and can’t stop thinking about their night together, from the hair brushing to the western omelet. “Be with me, C.C.,” says Jack. “We’ll stay together until the sex gets bad and then we’ll walk away bitter and angry.” C.C. agrees to a secret affair. They sneak off to find a quiet spot to “defile this place.”

Liz is getting ready to enter her apartment when Raheem comes home, limping and moaning. “Hey, buddy, where you been all week,” Liz guilts. “They put electrodes on my testicles, Liz.” Who did? “America’s government shocked my nuts,” says Raheem. Liz is pretty sure they aren’t allowed to do that. Raheem doesn’t know who turned him in, but he is full of anger now. He wants to do something big! He goes inside and Liz stops. “Northrax!” She runs to her apartment only to find that Pete has made waffles. Whew!

30 Rock, Edie Falco, Kristen Wiig, Fred Armisen, 30 Rock Recaps