Watching 30 Rock

Cold opening on a yummy looking steak as an even yummier Liz Lemon knocks and opens a door…Sorry, did I say that out loud, I have no biases in terms of characters nor do I have an orientation that would make me attracted to Tina Fey in black stockings, or no stockings…I’m doing it again aren’t I? Dammit!

Anyway, Liz walks into Jack’s office where he informs her that on his desk is a $54 steak. Since having a heart attack Jack can no longer consume the meaty, scotchy meal of the white-collar boss man and wants Liz to eat it so he can watch. Kinky. Liz eagerly agrees and chows down as Jack goes into a speech about how this is a time of new beginnings for him. He asks Liz if she’s read the interview with Don Geiss who is the chief executive officer of General Electric and Jack’s “Corporate Crush” in this month’s Yachting Illustrated. Liz said she hasn’t as she subscribes to Giant Boats. heh.

From said article Jack extrapolates that Geiss might be retiring and says that his job is the most “coveted in the free world.” He decides he has to do something to get himself noticed. Zippy credits and music and commercials and we’re back with Jane Krakowski in a fat suit.

At least this isn’t like other shows where someone gets fat for a plot line then they’re all of a sudden skinny again. Apparently Jenna hasn’t quit her pizza habit. However Jenna has a plan to get back to her normal weight by Friday night’s show. She’s on a Japanese porn star diet where she eats nothing but paper, but all the paper she wants. Healthy.

Liz goes on about how maybe this is Jenna’s natural body shape and how she’s just as beautiful and talented as ever. However Jack is lurking in the corner and says no, she’s fat and she needs to see the doctor to get this taken care of. This sets Liz off and she pontificates about how America needs to get over its body image madness. Jack insists Liz should focus on herself more than causes, specifically her love life and getting rid of the wedding dress. He asks about the furniture for her home office, which leads to a hilarious shot of a bunch of Ikeaish boxes labeled blerg (two dots above the e).

Jack then spies his old nemesis Devon Banks (Will Arnett) and finds out he’s in town visiting his new fiancée. What? Isn’t Banks gayer then Perez Hilton dry-humping the Bravo network? Well yah, but it turns out his bride-to-be is Kathy Geiss, Don Geiss’s daughter. Oh you sneaky, sneaky pillow-biter. Banks knows that Geiss is planning to retire but really isn’t straight as his head is turned by the seductress Kenneth.

Tracy approaches Kenneth and goes off about his marital problems with his wife Angie. He says that Angie is in the past like Dracula and Broadcast television and that she should find someone new. Kenneth disagrees that Tracy wouldn’t be down if Angie was smokin’ some other pole (I added that part).

Jenna is at Dr. Leo Spaceman’s office discussing her weight problem. He says at her current weight she is in the “disgusting range” but he can fix it. One solution includes crystal meth. Jenna’s not having it. But she is about exploring some crazy surgical options - The Bradshaw Clinic ahoy!

Banks spies Kenneth threw a set of blinds and comes at him like a Twinkie at a Weight Watchers meeting. He informs the page that he’s going to be running the network soon and there are going to be some changes, like mandatory pole smoking (I added that one too). Kenneth tells Banks that Jack isn’t going anywhere and has only gotten stronger since his heart attack. Opps, Banks didn’t know about that but now he does. He won’t use that to his advantage will he?

In Liz’s office Frank announces that he has a new character for Jenna who’s catch phrase is “Me want food.” Liz denies this request and says no one should treat Jenna any differently now that she’s heavy. She’ll still play all her old characters like Hillary Clinton. Frank thinks fat Hillary Clinton is a great idea and she’ll say “Me want food.” Denied once again. Jenna however wants to sing and roller dance on the show. Liz thinks that’s a great way to get America to change its attitude towards body image. We see fat people falling down jokes in our future.

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah. Boys becoming Men, Men becoming wolves. Spooky Scary. Oy Vey.

Tracy and Angie are discussing their differences when Kenneth appears and puts the moves on Angie. “I’m a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways.” Smooth. Angie invites Kenneth to come over anytime and he agrees to come over “at night.” This apparently wasn’t a sincere come-on, as Kenneth appears mighty nervous.

Jack and a lady friend run into Banks and the Geiss family having dinner. And cut to Jenna doing her roller-dancing scene live on TGS. And down she goes. The audience doesn’t know what to do but then Jenna pouts and says “Me Want Food.” Big audience approval. Jenna pleased.

Back at dinner Jack fishes for information from Banks who tries to feed Jack wine and steak. Geiss invites Jack to his house for a get-together on Saturday. Score, that is until Banks whispers to Jack that he’s going to make his heart explode. Commercials.

Tracy confronts Kenneth that he saw him hitting on Angie but instead of being jealous, tells Kenneth to go smoke her pole…actually he tells him to make love to his wife in reverence for his cheating on her.

Liz and Jenna are out shopping when everyone on the street recognizes Jenna for her “Me want food” line. She even has her own novelty T-shirt!

At the Geiss house Jack is playing football and looks like he’s about to keel over. Meanwhile Tracy is getting anxious about Kenneth and Angie and imagines K-man as a total mac, feeding Angie a turkey leg blindfolded. That’s romance.

Jenna has a change of heart about having the surgery and wants to stay the way she is. “I’m keeping it,” she announces to Liz. Because people recognize her and she gets off on it. Hmm, maybe Jenna will stay large. We’ll see what happens next week.

Jack still doesn’t look too great as Banks mocks him and then proceeds to choke on a hot dog..no a real hot dog. No pole joke here. Jack agrees to save him if he stops making him look bad in front of Geiss. Heimlich time and hot dog spray all over camera time after that.

Tracy goes to his home to confront Kenneth and Angie to discover nothing has happened, other than Kenneth puking from nerves. Angie and Tracy reconcile. Back at Liz’s a montage shows her putting together her blerg with some help from the unreturned wedding dress.

Geiss tells Jack he knows about his heart condition but is impressed that he was out playing football all day. He tells Jack that he might run the company one day. Mission accomplished.

More Bee Movie crap. Using NBEEC. How clever, but not clever enough to cover up the fact that Seinfled now owns the soul of the first born child of every employee at NBC. See you next week when we’re not sure what happens because there was a damn Bee Movie preview instead of scenes from next week show. Curse you Seinfeld!!!!

30 Rock, Will Arnett, Bee Movie, football, Seinfeld