Watching 30 Rock

Cold opening on exterior shot of the NBC building. Everyone is coming up to Liz asking her to hang out with them. Frank and Lutz are going to walk around Times Square and pretend to be foreign, Jenna is getting drinks with recently divorced camera guy and Tracy is going to an animals only strip club (”does that mean the animals strip or the animals are the customers?”). Liz turns them all down because she’s got balls on her mind. No, not that, a meatball sub with extra bread you perv!

Jack catches Liz calling in her food order and pretty much sums up her evening. Meatball sub extra bread, bottle of NyQuil, tivoed Top Chef, a little Ms. Bonnie Rait, lights out. Jack reveals that Casey gets voted out which makes Liz scream “You monster, why are you like this?” Actually Casey was in the final three so she didn’t really get voted out but it was funnier the way they did it. Credits.

Tracy comes into Jack’s office with the baseball team he’s coaching (part of his community service since his motorcycle hit a police horse). The team is from the worse neighborhood in New York and doesn’t seem to keen on Jack’s story about how his baseball team won the Boston city championship even though they were all white and the other team was completely…never mind.

Jack goes on about how baseball taught him how to dream and asks the team what their dreams are. Enter a scene reminiscent of those first Monster.com ads from Superbowl past. The kids dream of doing vending machine maintenance, being shot by a cop and suing the city, cleaning an office like this one, etc. Jack tells them that these are not the dreams of winners but Tracy corrects him that they’re not winners, they’re 0 and 17. Opps.

A cute blond guy is delivering coffee. Jenna asks who ordered the “Veal,” but Liz tells her that guy is a baby. Jenna flirts with him anyway “I like your blond streaks, it’s very Simon LeBond.” Liz tells Jenna that she’s talking to an ultra-sound to which Veal replies that he’s getting attitude from the sexy librarian. Ultra-smooth Liz is flustered and slips into a very Wake Up Wakefield moment. “Sexy, what no you are, shut up.” But she isn’t the only one who has a crush. Frank would totally go gay for Veal. Everyone laughs but he isn’t kidding. Holy Mango!

Tracy is with the baseball team at Jefferson Davis park. That’s almost a big slap in the face as the David Duke Hebrew school I attended. Jack pulls up in a limo (”Hey you guys it’s that king we met”) and wants to help them out with new uniforms. Compliments of the Sheinhardt Wig company!

Veal knocks on Liz’s door and awkwardly asks her out. Liz turns him down but when he thinks she’s 29 Liz begins to rethink things. He’s 25 so not a big fake age difference there. His friend is DJing at a gallery opening and he’ll pick her up at 10 (at night?) Frank comes in and gives Veal a sweater and flirts some more. Liz tells him to cut it out but he’s gay for Veal. Liz tell him you can’t be gay just for one person unless you’re a lady and you meet Ellen. Awesome!

Liz is searching for something to wear in wardrobe and is upset because she’s breaking her lying about her age rule. Liz wants to back out but Jenna says this is a good thing for her. “He looks like Zac Effron. That’s a thing, right?” Jenna tells Liz that they’re Cougars - hot older ladies pouncing on their younger prey. It’s true she read about it in Vanity Fair. Frank comes up to them wearing something Jean Paul Gautier crapped out in a nightmare involving Isaac Mizrahi and a French candy cane and tells Jenna it will never happen between them because he’s probably gay now. Frank then does a little dance for the mirror. Frank is definitely not gay.

Jack and Kenneth meet with Tracy on how to improve the team. It’s very Bush’s strategy in the middle east meets Patton. Cut to a scene of the kids pulling down the Jeff Davis statue a’la Iraqians pulling down the statue of Sadam Hussein. Jack and Kenneth observe. Jack looks like, well Patton. But the team still sucks. Jack fires Tracy and puts Kenneth in charge because Kenneth is the pulse of black inner city youth, minus that last part.

Liz and Veal are on their date at the gallery. It’s only one and the night is still young like Liz’s date. He goes on about the rest of the night’s plans which involve going to Brooklyn. This puts Liz over the edge and she reveals her age. “I’m 37 please don’t make me go to Brooklyn.” Veal reveals he’s 20. At which point Liz spots Jack across the room. Busted!

Jack asks Liz what she’s doing there and she reveals she’s out with Veal. “Where did you two meet, Amber alert?” Jack insists that a youthful companion is the ultimate status symbol but Liz says only men can pull that off. Jack tells her she’s wrong and that this would be good for her “he’s hot, young and eager to please.” Jack’s cell and it’s Kenneth. The coaching is not going well. Jack tells him to stay the course but Tracy isn’t happy about the whole takeover.

The team won’t listed to Kenneth especially when he tells them not to hit him with his own shoes. He thinks the team would be better with Tracy in charge. Probably a good idea since the team is coming at Jack and Kenneth with the bats. They make a run for it.

Cerie asks Liz if she saw her at Marquis the other night. Surprisingly enough, yes. Cerie asks Liz what she was doing there “was it like that time they found my grandpa at the bus station?” She says that she was with Veal. Cerie is impressed. Jenna shows up with what looks like a 15 year old. Liz isn’t the only Cougar. Gross.

Lutz picks on Liz for dating a younger man with some original Harold and Maude jokes. Liz says she’s just having a good time and presents Veal with an X-box 360 game when he delivers their coffee. She’s heading Jack’s gift giving advice we see. Frank comes up and gives Veal an original work of art called “One-Armed Mermaid that’s part Unicorn with Bigfoot.” Lori never gives me gifts like that. Liz asks Veal if they’re still on for tomorrow night and accepts Frank’s painting too. Who wouldn’t?

Jack and Kenneth plead for Tracy to come back to the team since the team is in chaos. All the kids wrote Tracy a letter asking him to come back. Aww, Tracy asks if he comes back can he throw the letters away and not have to read them. I take back the “Aww.” Jack says he’ll pay for someone to read the letters for him. They’re determined to turn the team into winners!

Frank confronts Veal and wonders what they’re doing. Veal says he’s not gay and Frank says he’s not either they’re just two straight guys who want to enjoy each other’s bodies. Double ew. Frank is crushed.

Back on the baseball field it looks like Jack’s plan is working since the team is winning 19 to 2. But no, it turns out he has Grizz and Dot Com on the team posing as Dominican youth.

Liz picks Veal up at his place and has another gift for him. He worries they’re going to be late but Liz squashes his fears since they’re taking a cab. He’s never taken a cab with less than seven people. Ah, the benefits of dating an older lady. He says he and Liz look awesome together and goes to say bye to his mom who, wait for it..looks exactly like Liz. She introduces herself as Beth to which Liz says “shut it down,” and promptly leaves.

Liz sees Veal at work and says hi but he blows her off. She tells Jack how humiliating the end was who says that all May-December relationships end in humiliation. They walk past Jenna and the 15 year-old who’s making Jenna hit herself. And that ends that one. Next week on 30 Rock…will there be a next week? Bomp, Bomp, Bommm!

30 Rock, Sheinhardt Wig company, Issac Mizrahi, Jean Paul Gautier